Where’dya Dump The Body?

For absolutely no reason that I’m conscious of, out riding today I started thinking of how to get rid of a body. No, I don’t have a body to get rid of; nor am I planning on having to tackle that problem.

Beech woods are no place to get rid of a body.

Beech woods are no place to get rid of a body.

I’m sure I’ve heard it said that murdering people is relatively easy, it’s getting rid of the body that’s hard. Maybe that’s an urban myth in itself, but cycling around, although you can readily see quiet areas, woodlands and what-have-you, what look like undisturbed places, a moment’s reflection and you realise they’d be no good. Dog walkers, ramblers and horse riders abound, not to mention mountain bikers! There are plenty of wild animals too, that surely will disturb a shallow grave.

Open land? You might find a copse for your corpse in the middle of a field that looks isolated and untouched but how would you get there without anyone noticing? How are you going to lug a body around? People are heavy! (And getting heavier.) Losing a body in something concrete might be feasible but you’re not going to do that without connections. (I rather suspect the tales of the motorway bridges up and down the land being prime repositories for bodies are a tad apocryphal.)

And when are you going to embark on this grim undertaking? I can’t think of any roads around these parts that you can be wholly sure no-one will be driving along when you want it to yourself, not even in the small hours. We’re not quite a 24 hour society but there are plenty of shift workers about at all hours. Even if you could guarantee a quiet couple of hours in the country, you’ve got to get there from your presumably urban or suburban start point. There’s an awful lot of CCTV covering an awful lot of places.

As of now, it’s a vaguely interesting thing to ponder, not from any practical application but for what it tells you about how crowded a country we live in, and how little real privacy we have. Maybe it’s of little consequence as of now, but if we ever slip into government by a regime that merits underground resistance … when you’re plotting your movements, thinking in terms of corpse disposal might be salutary.