Wild Speculation

As sure as eggs is eggs, the dead man who once owned this lane soon will rise up again, stake his rightful claim and in the spirit of the age, set up a toll booth.

Deadman's Lane, Goring Heath

Although one was near Goring Heath and the other close to Shinfield, in fact both stag beetles I saw today were making their way to a massing of Berkshire stag beetles, a practice run for the national uprising they’re plotting.

(When you can hear that all the Corvids have started to chuckle rather than caw or make the magpie’s raucous death rattle, be worried as that’s the agreed sign for the stag beetle uprising.)

In the not too distant future, red and purple will be declared a good colour combination, by God himself in a personal appearance, and all style gurus will be condemned to wear both, simultaneously, for ever more.

Red and Purple in a field near Theale

Obviously, the small flock of Goldfinches near Three Mile Cross were twittering the way they were because they’d caught sight of all the caravans around there and found them funny.

When grown up, this alpaca will break free from the herd and after a series of incredible adventures actually make it back to the land of his ancestors where he’ll be publicly revered by all the other alpacas, although in private they’ll express some disquiet over his credibility.

Alpacas near Whitchurch

While she can’t imagine it now, the smiling woman near Pangbourne who just couldn’t suppress an almighty yawn as she walked down the high street will, one day, have another ten hours of passion the equal of the previous night.

It will only take a few months for the businessman I saw stomping down a path with a face like thunder, not too far from one of Berkshire’s more expensive villages, to realise that his wife running off with the builder who’s been doing the extension is in fact a good thing, even if she did take his car and make him late for an important meeting on the 17th July.

One day, even though it might seem utterly inconceivable now, the arcane logic of the people who put up diversion signs will be understandable by all road users of whatever age, nationality or creed, whether or not they have been initiated into the Diversionist Brotherhood.

Bizarre diversion signs